Jo Ann Origenes, my officemate and a friend threw a very striking line last day that really got all my attention. I had to make her repeat the line just to be sure. Striking because somehow there is something I’ve felt upon hearing the words that she said. It opens my other senses that I’ve forced to sleep for many months now. It hit deep into my heart that made me re-think and re-evaluate the place where I am now, what I have achieved and how I’ve been this past years.
All came back to me. Everything that I planned before I graduate from college back to the years when I’ve stopped studying until the day I graduated from high school. All the plans from there came back to me upon hearing Joan’s line. I have great plans and aspirations in life. I worked dead hard just to achieve those dreams but I fell short. I am not even half way there. I’ve only achieved less than I planned to achieve. I’ve only reached the first step of the ladder on the way to the top.
Knowing how far it is, makes me feel nervous and scared of life. A year is just days away. Every year that ends, is another year adding up to my age, another new pressure and a year less to my target. But I am not achieving anything. What I am scared of is living my life amounting to nothing. I’ve been living this life for more 2 decades now. What about the next decade? Will I be achieving something for myself? Something that is fulfilling? Something that is the realization of some of my dreams? Too many questions but until now I deem grasping.
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